The never ending promise of food 🍔

Even if I had a bottomless bucket of KFC it would never satiate me

I’ve had a horrid virus over the past couple of weeks and I’ve been hyper aware of how I’ve used food to make myself feel better.

It’s a topic I seem to know a lot about from experience but haven’t yet “cracked it” so to speak. To cut a long story short, I’ve been overweight since about 7 years old, despite being a tiny premature baby of 3lbs. I remember always loving food and using it for comfort when I started secondary school. Things things started to get more ‘real’ for me. Primary school was a little bubble where I knew everyone and secondary school was mixed from many primary schools within an 8 mile radius.

30 years later at 41, those habits remain. Since having a baby in Feb 2023, I stress ate a lot, and due to the lack of energy through sleep deprivation, it kept me going, whether it be mentally or physically.

The thing is with food addiction, you think it’s going to solve a problem and deep down you think it’ll satiate something that’s missing: but it simply cannot do that. You could have unlimited favourite foods at your disposal and the shine will soon wear off in 5 minutes, until you’re hungry again.

In terms of weight loss attempts

• I don’t enjoy the gym, but I rejoin every now and again and get a new sense of motivation that soon flails

• I’ve tried slimming world and lost 4 stone before, it was relatively easy to do but when I quit, the weight went back on

• I was a bit of a Keto nut for a while and read loads on it

• I set goals of running 5k then 10k and on the second 10k I knocked 30 mins of my time

• Did multiple fasting sessions (3 days)

• Did multiple juice fasts (3-5 days)

• I’ve tracked my macros on the my fitness pal app

• I got down to 89kg when I was sick with kidney failure, I thought this would give me a new head start when I was well…

Yet I’m at my heaviest weight ever: 141.7kg

The thing is, I don’t want any more ‘how-tos” as that’ll just take more willpower which is never sustainable, unless that motivation comes naturally from a reason.

I’ve had my second kidney transplant in July 2022, my brother died of liver failure in December 2023. You’d think that would prompt me into action, but it hasn’t. I also keep saying to myself that I need to get fit for when my daughter starts waking, that’s doesn’t motivate me. I had one thought this afternoon when I was doing holiday admin, I thought to myself “Shit, what if I don’t fit into my plane seat?” I needed an extension for the seatbelt last time and I am heavier now. That thought actually motivates me more than anything else, and if you’re honest with yourself, you’d be the same.

So let’s see what unfolds, watch this space.

Lots of love,

SLART