1.2 Billion seconds
An artistic reflection of 38 years
This post is also part of the
newsletter. An elite group of flaneurs who have social media fatigue and want to share their authentic art with you. Many thanks to and the gang for your support.Author’s note: This post will be digging deeper into a piece of artwork I created. The first half of 2021 was quite slow creatively, this piece was my first of the year. I enjoyed creating each small portrait over a period of about 3 weeks, but I was feeling particularly hard on myself for not doing more.
Artwork Description (Written in 2021)
At the time of writing: I have been alive for approximately 1.2 billion seconds and I feel that I have wasted a lot of that time due to various anxieties. Each portrait has a story of its own and represents a snapshot of my life, from birth until the present day.
At age 17, my art teacher said I could not draw so I gave up altogether until 2 years ago. This piece is dedicated to him, I resented him for years but I have been reunited with my love of art and have many more life experiences to share. So, thank you, Mr.Ravenscroft.
This piece is my line in the sand, to state “What’s in the past is no more, time to move forward as a person and an artist”.
My story hasn’t ended yet and have emphasised this by leaving some blank spaces in the bottom right corner.
A few WIP shots
Digging deeper into the artwork
Each reference photo I used was reminiscent of a period of my life. The act of drawing my version of each photo was a catharsis in itself. Empathising with the person I was that year, doing the best I could under the circumstances and outlook I had at the time.
For the first time ever, I am going to break down each individual self-portrait and add a few accompanying words prior to each one. As an extra highlight for you, I’ve provided the reference photos for each drawing.
let’s go through the self-portraits.
Premature: I weighed around 3 lbs at birth. Adopted by my grandparents when I was 4 months old.
Big baby: Growing well after being born so tiny. Look at those plump cheeks.
Happy toddler: Red cardigans were stylish in the 80s (As well as tight, red, short shorts). I broke my arm falling off of my front wall around that time. I have vivid memories of Dad comforting me on the sofa.
Fair play: The family’s ginger genes are shining through during this phase. I smiled a lot as a toddler.
Country bumpkin: We moved from bustling Plumstead to idyllic, sleepy Marlborough. A strong contrast from city to countryside. This was my first school photo at nursery school.
Sweaty and happy: I remember sweating from a young age, unusual it was looking back. This was part of a school year photo.
Growing fast: I’m noticeably taller than the other children now. This was taken from a group photo when I was about 7 years old.
Coy boy: First year of primary school. I spent a lot of time playing video games. Nintendo Entertainment System (NES), if anyone remembers those.
Awks: Yet another awkward year photo at primary school. I did really enjoy my time there though.
Cute, heh? Do you see the theme of not liking my photo being taken as a kid? The smile wasn’t so bad this year.
In my final year of primary school: I wore my elder brother’s jumper. Even though I was only 10, I could just about wear a full-grown man’s clothing.
The first year of secondary school: I started to get bullied for being shy and overweight, an easy target in 1993. I hated my bowler haircut too. This year was a bit of culture shock compared to the safety of a primary school.
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Early Slim Shady: I dyed my hair blonde. Curtains were in fashion back in the nineties. The reference photo was taken from a photo of me in Bilbao with my mum. Our first trip outside of the UK was a 4-day cruise. I really dislike drawing teeth.
Yet another forced smile: My pirate phase. I wore an earring, had a French crop and frequented ‘nappy nights’ which were under-18s club nights in the mid to late 90s. I felt all grown up. My school head of year took me aside and said “There’s more to being a man than going to these club nights”, he was right.
Leaver’s dinner: later known as school prom (American influenced). I wore a green suit to be different and ended up getting lasagne all over it due to a mate starting a food fight. My science teacher confiscated a bottle of vodka from me and poured it down the sink. He could have at least taken it home for himself.
First proper holiday abroad: We went to Majorca for a week, mum, dad, my girlfriend at the time, and me. Fond memories of drinking tequila sunrises and not-so-fond memories of trying duck l’orange for the first and last time. I dyed my hair black and had a goatee. I have no idea why.
Off my head: At a club night in the BIC in Bournemouth. I was a raving trance fan. We had some really good nights out during that period of my life, but even bigger comedowns during the week that followed a big weekend.
Homelands: Fond memories at my first-ever festival. Covertly drinking vodka and cherryade during the 2-hour coach ride to Winchester. Arriving half tipsy, the sun beating down, clear skies, Judge Jules banging out the tunes on the Radio One stage. I vividly remember looking around and feeling pure joy.
With my biological dad, brother and nana: I found my biological dad in 2003 after a cursory search on Friends Reunited (Pre-Facebook Era). I had grand expectations of him hugging me and being overjoyed to see me after so many years. Let’s just say that it didn’t turn out the way I’d hoped.
Happy 40th 🎂: Taken from my step-mum’s 40th Birthday party in 2004. I had a great time with my bio dad that weekend. To his regret, we drank 80% abv. Black Absinthe all evening, resulting in some sore heads on Sunday.
Graduation pic: In 2003 I completed a HND in multimedia at my local college. Attending university would have been my first choice, but I felt overwhelmingly anxious about the prospect of moving away and making friends.
I was a bit tipsy after a few glasses of chardonnay in the photo. My mum was there by my side, as well as my fellow grad, Mark. In the morning, just before the graduation, I stood behind my dad (adopted dad, aka grandad) as he walked out of the front door to work, I longed for him to say “Well done, son” before he left the house, but he said nothing.
The white isle: The red tinge in my hair seemed to reappear when it grew longer. I loved the way the auburn glistened in the Ibizan sunshine. This was my 3rd trip to Ibiza, I loved the island vibe so much that I ended up going 4 times within 6 years. One of the highlights was being at Space in the daytime, dancing on the terrace, lost in the music amongst a sea of hot bodies, no alcohol required.
Borat, eat your heart out: In 2006 I single-handedly brought the moustache back into fashion. I moved to London that year and worked at a design agency called Duke Interactive. I started rocking the blazer and t-shirt combo around that time too.
A Leading Light: This was a posed photo as part of my publicity shots for a one-day event I had set up called Leading Light. In short, it was a mini-conference where people could come along and try different therapies out in taster sessions. Therapies such as Hypnotherapy, CBT, laughter therapy, EMDR and NLP to name a few. As a mental health champion, Ruby Wax came along to the event and joined in with the activities.
Bald face: This was a rare image of me clean-shaven, Even now, I feel self-conscious without a beard covering my boat race. My WWF wrestling name back in the day was “Shit-kicker beardo”.
The beard is back: I’m fast approaching the end of my twenties at this point. This young man was feeling quite down about turning 30 in a few years. I remember saying to myself “I’ve wasted my 20s” many times. Which is sad, because it wasn’t the truth, it was just my negative perception at the time.
Moody blues, well, purples: I have no idea why my face looks like a slapped arse in this one, as I had an epic time at Notting Hill Carnival. Check out the purple tinge in my hair.
Delightfully self-employed: Well, it was a pretty tough time financially but I got by and still managed to have a good time in London. Photo taken at my home office.
Kenny’s wedding: Part of a group photo at a friend’s wedding in the beautiful Somerset countryside. Jägerbombs were flowing and I set up the homemade video Karaoke for the afterparty upstairs.
Sheffield Wednesday Saturday: Randomly, I took my wife (then girlfriend) on a surprise trip to Sheffield for her 31st Birthday. She had no idea where we were going on the drive up there and to my credit, it was a surprise for her! The hotel was next to the Sheffield United Football Stadium, with the biggest bed I’ve ever seen!
In hindsight, and with no offence to Sheffielders, I could have picked a better place to take her within a 3.5-hour drive radius!
Please hire me: Indoctrinated with ‘Internet marketing’ information, yes, the annoying kind. I created an ad on my Facebook profile saying “Hire Me” pointing to the reasons why someone should hire me to make a website for them. I cringe looking back at this now.
Good times with mates: A last-minute pub meet-up for a mate’s birthday during a glorious July afternoon. Fake smiling once again, but it’s much more relaxed than the primary school day photos.
Overgrown: From my mid-thirties onwards, my beard seemingly grew out of control.
One of the best days: of my life so far. My wedding day! Look at how relaxed I am with the old smiling! My jaw did ache towards the end of the posed photo part of the day though. It was a perfect day, my wife and I enjoyed the celebrations from start to finish.
Afternoon tea, anyone? A lovely day out with two close colleagues at the time. It’s one of the most wonderful cream teas I have consumed, on the grounds of Totworth Court.
My own life drawing model: I started drawing again in 2019 the year this was taken, and I was playing around with funny facial expressions. I particularly like how this drawing turned out.
Hiding behind my big head: My beautiful wife peeks into the frame. We are at the shops buying gifts, you can see a few twinkles coming from the fairy lights on the outdoor Christmas tree behind us.
Last but not least: Me looking a bit dead behind the eyes, listening to my fancy new headphones. I ended up doing some variations on this piece.
One variation consisted of 6 drawings of this same image, I love how they came out differently, with no effort on my part. I just copied the image each time, and it turned out how it turned out.
As you can see, I have a particular style. I don’t take myself too seriously and I enjoy drawing a lot! My mistakes create my style and I try my best to embrace those “mistakes”.
Another insight into the piece is that I was really annoyed at myself for not mounting each portrait in a uniform way. I had envisioned it to be laid out like a neat grid. Seemingly, I’m not a neat grid kinda guy and it came out a bit more “organic”. I’ve grown to love it as it is.
It reminds me of one of my fellow art students, he was always so uniform in his approach to creating art. I wanted to be like him, but I learned that it’s best to be like me.
One last treat before you go, I’ve created a small animation of the pieces using AI frame interpolation, I have no idea what this means, but I am a bit of a tech nerd, so I like playing around with new tools.
So, sit back, relax and enjoy the animation, accompanied by the song, Wednesday Walk, by Heath Cantu (Headphones recommended):
Thank you so much for sticking with this post to the very end. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it and creating the artwork.
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Very best wishes,
SLART
Slart, This is amazing. I see no waste at all, not one second, your life has been art itself.
Hi Slart
Can I tell you something? (from someone who has a history with Creative Writing) It's true, your writing has served your fine arts with the greatest loyalty that they ever deserve, if not more. They come as a wonderful couple under the same roof of You - Slart!