It's easy to quit...

...something you don’t like doing. But it’s even easier to be hard on yourself.

I've had this habit of mind and I have no idea why.

It’s frustrating. REALLY FRUSTRATING! Suffocating, even!

Suffocated (2020) – 42 cm x 29.7 cm – Mixed media

I want to shine the spotlight on this habit through the process of writing about it.

This habit of mind:

It goes like this… I'll start a new course, new project, new training, new personal development methodology, [insert new thing here].

Then in a matter of days, at most 2 weeks, my mind gets bored, annoyed, fed up, and disillusioned.

Basically, I have massive doubts about my ability to follow through and I blame it on the course (Sometimes it is the course, of course).

…Then I purge this thing out of my life.

• If it's a course, I'll try and get a refund, blame them that it doesn’t work (like I said before).

• If it's a book I'll donate it to charity with only the first part read.

• If it's a personal development methodology or philosophy, I'll remove myself from its ideas.

• If it’s a gym membership, I’ll rationalise that I don’t have time, or I’m saving money, or I just don’t like going to the gym.

Then I feel bad and my mind calls me a quitter, a loser, a quick-to-quit, flaky, a deadbeat, lazy and weak-willed.

But I’ll tell you what, I’ve stuck with my art since 2019. I’ve built up an oeuvre during that time (I hate that word lol) let’s say ‘body of work’ instead.

So it makes me wonder, maybe the things I’ve quit weren’t the right things for me.

Or I did them for a short amount of time, just to explore out of curiosity.

Who really knows?

One thing I do know is that my mind’s judgement of me quitting makes it appear that I have failed, done something wrong or stupid. But that’s not true. It’s all down to my interpretation of the situations and each situation was different.

Ok, I’ve wasted money in the past on these unfinished courses. But if you ponder it, can you waste money other than by physically burning it? Money circulates and what I spent on these courses has long gone to someone else since the course creator earned the cash from me.

It reminds me of the time I went to Birmingham with a friend to set up an art exhibition in October 2022. I parked in a city centre location and it cost £12 for about 3 hours. My friend went ballistic about the price, but I shared this wisdom that made sense to both of us “Money always moves, in this instance, it’s going to the city council to pay towards the city’s upkeep”. My friend saw it as an inconvenience, paying over the odds for something that should, in his mind, cost a lot less.

I’ve gone off on a slight tangent again haven’t I? Don’t worry, it’s going somewhere.

Speaking of Birmingham: here are a few snaps from the Birmingham exhibition. I had high hopes as it was in a cool microbrewery located in Bourneville (Where Cadbury’s Chocolate was born!) over a 7-week period, so thousands of people would view my art and I thought I’d get some art print sales at the very least.

FISTULA - An artistic exploration of Chronic Kidney Disease. Part of the brewery’s October flyer.

My exhibit: I was a bit unhappy that the paintings weren’t aligned, but we had to do our best with the materials we had.

The venue looks pretty cool, right? I got goosebumps thinking of people having a good time, having a few drinks and enjoying my art.

However, The reality was quite different. The brewery didn’t share even one photo or video on social media, which I found odd. The conversation with the event organiser went like this:

As you can see above, some of my artwork fell off the walls and broke. She said it was one frame but when I collected them, 3 pieces were broken. Not only that, I had to hang my artwork. I’m not saying it like ‘I’m too good of an artist to hang my artwork’, I just thought that they would do it for me, especially since most of it was on a solid brick wall!

• Is this a lesson in expectations?

• Is this a lesson in choosing my art gigs wisely?

• Is this a lesson in being grateful for the opportunities I have been given?

What do you think?

If you frame it in the bigger context of ‘quitting or not quitting’ then in that respect I’ve persisted with what is important to me, creating and sharing my art!

As I reflect, the outcome wasn’t what I wanted but my art was out there in the world. It’s easy to hide your light under a bushel, but it’s a bit harder to get your work out there for others to see.

I always try and remind myself that I will never really know what impact my art had on people at that exhibit. Social media likes aren’t the holy grail of art exhibition success!

There was a lovely bonus of course, I got to spend the day with my friend Charles in Birmingham. Once we had set up the exhibit, we went to explore, had some lunch, went to Ikon Gallery, and went to see some live music in a German bar, it was a great day. 🍻

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I guess if I have some parting words in this post, it would be:

Stop being so hard on yourself!

It’s ok to quit things!

You decide on what success means to you!

Also, If I have to share this Andy Warhol quote on every post, just to remind myself, I will, Sorry!

“Don't think about making art, just get it done. Let everyone else decide if it's good or bad, whether they love it or hate it. While they are deciding, make even more art.”

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