ART SPEAK VS SLART SPEAK
Decoding the Posh Art World: A No-BS Guide by Outsider Artist, SLART
Intro by the spirit of
So you went to art school, dropped out (or should have), and now you’re standing in front of a painting made of hair and dental floss, wondering if you’re the problem. Welcome. You’re not alone.
The art world is a circus of coded language, critical wankery, and biennial buzzwords — and unless you’ve got a Rolodex full of curators or a trust fund feeding your Basel habit, you might be feeling... aesthetically ruptured.
But don’t worry, darling. SLART’s got you covered with this irreverent A to Z glossary of contemporary art jargon, lovingly hacked to pieces and translated into something your nan might actually understand. It’s equal parts satire and survival guide — because if we’re going down in a cloud of discourse and Instagram captions, we’re going down laughing.
So light a clove cigarette, fire up your Notes app, and get ready to decode the language of the culturally elite. Or at least fake it convincingly enough to snag a free prosecco at the next gallery opening.
Let’s go…
A is for Aesthetic Rupture
Art Speak: A profound disruption of established visual paradigms.
SLART Speak: When your art is so bonkers it fucks with people’s minds—like turning up to a black-tie event in a bin bag.
B is for Bricolage
Art Speak: The assemblage of cultural artefacts into a cohesive artistic dialogue.
SLART Speak: Raid your nan’s garage, bodge it together, call it a masterpiece.
C is for Chromatic Dynamism
Art Speak: Manipulating colour to create tension and harmony.
SLART Speak: When your canvas throws a full-on rave.
D is for Deconstruction
Art Speak: Dismantling artistic norms to expose hidden meanings.
SLART Speak: Pulling things apart until someone asks, “Why not just leave it alone?”
E is for Ephemeral Interventions
Art Speak: Temporary art that reflects impermanence.
SLART Speak: Here today, gone faster than a Chocolate Hobnob™ in my cupboard.
F is for Formalism
Art Speak: Focus on form over context.
SLART Speak: Obsessing over shapes like they owe you money.
G is for Gesamtkunstwerk
Art Speak: A total art experience combining multiple disciplines.
SLART Speak: Everything and the kitchen sink—including the sink.
H is for Haptic Perception
Art Speak: Understanding art through touch.
SLART Speak: When “Do Not Touch” becomes a suggestion, not a rule.
I is for Intertextuality
Art Speak: Referential dialogue between works.
SLART Speak: Connect-the-dots for grown-up art nerds.
J is for Juxtaposition
Art Speak: Contrasting elements to provoke thought.
SLART Speak: Sticking weird things together and watching the confusion bloom.
K is for Kitsch Aesthetic
Art Speak: Using pop-trash deliberately.
SLART Speak: So tacky it’s brilliant.
L is for Liminal Space
Art Speak: Exploration of transitional states.
SLART Speak: That eerie Tesco car park feeling at 2 a.m.
M is for Meta-Narrative
Art Speak: Art about art’s own storytelling.
SLART Speak: Like Inception, but artsy and more confusing.
N is for Nonlinear Narrative
Art Speak: Breaking traditional story arcs.
SLART Speak: Makes about as much sense as a dream where you’re naked, underwater, and arguing with your old art teacher who told you that you can’t draw large scale.
O is for Ontology
Art Speak: Questioning the essence of art.
SLART Speak: Asking “What even is art?” until people leave the room yawning.
P is for Palimpsest
Art Speak: Layering artistic elements over time.
SLART Speak: Painting over your painting until you see all your past decisions haunting you.
Q is for Quadtych
Art Speak: A four-panel composition.
SLART Speak: One canvas not enough? Go for four, innit. Make it epic.
R is for Relational Aesthetics
Art Speak: Art as a social event or interaction.
SLART Speak: Hosting a hangout and calling it an art piece.
S is for Semiotics
Art Speak: Study of signs and symbols in visual language.
SLART Speak: Basically art-world Morse code, except nobody agrees on what the beeps mean.
T is for Transcendental Aesthetic
Art Speak: Exploring beauty beyond the material.
SLART Speak: Art so deep you need spiritual scuba gear.
U is for Uncanny Valley
Art Speak: Unease from almost-human representations.
SLART Speak: That creepy portrait that freaks you out because it’s not right.
V is for Vernacular Modernism
Art Speak: Blending everyday culture with high art.
SLART Speak: Making fancy art out of Poundland treasures.
W is for Whimsy
Art Speak: Deliberate playfulness in art.
SLART Speak: Quirky, fun, and completely on purpose.
X is for Xenoglossia
Art Speak: Cross-cultural visual communication.
SLART Speak: When a kid in Tokyo and a gallerina in Hackney both stare at it and go, “Yeah, I get it.”
Y is for Yonic Symbolism
Art Speak: Representations of feminine archetypes.
SLART Speak: Georgia O’Keeffe’s ahem 😉 floral expressions.
Z is for Zeitgeist
Art Speak: Embodying the cultural spirit of the times.
SLART Speak: Whatever’s trending on #ArtTok right now.
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I LOVE IT! I enjoy Art Speak myself, and I LOVE what you've done to it! (ISorbonne certificate included semiotics, can't help meself.) Hilarious and insightful! Sharing on LinkedIn--when you have it there, tag me!